You know the saying, "uphill both ways"? I used to think it was simply an exaggeration given by ones parents/grandparents. Yesterday I discovered though, it is possible to go uphill BOTH ways. Let me explain. Yesterday was my cute nephew's first birthday so we headed up to my parents to party. We decided to leave early and get a bike ride in before cake and presents. We dropped the girls off with Grandma and Dave and I headed up to Hardware Ranch on our bikes. I must say it was a GORGEOUS ride in a canyon with hardly ANY traffic. Nice. So nice. Anyway we reached the ranch, watched the elk, ate a few granola bars and refilled our water bottles. By refilled I mean placed them under an icicle hanging from a tin roof to catch the drips, which reminds me, never go on a 40 mile canyon ride with only one water bottle each. Anyway, after our rest we headed back down the canyon only to discover a brutal headwind had developed. There was one point I was leading, I was tucked and pedaling my guts out while going DOWNHILL. I looked at my bike computer to discover I was only going 11 mph. 11!!! I went uphill faster than that!!! The ride down was a lot harder than the ride up. The headwind made the downhill feel like a steep climb. Needless to say I got a pretty good workout in. It was a great ride though, it really was. The company was the best a girl could ask for, the scenery was amazing and the climbs made the ride exciting.Now, if you read the title of this post you are probably wondering when my thoughts on marriage are going to come in. Right now baby ;).
On our way up to the ranch Dave and I each went our own pace for a bit. As I was enjoying the scenery my mind got to wandering and I started thinking about a movie we had watched together the night before (Shall we dance, it was terrible, I don't recommend it). In the movie the main guy gets a bit bored and unhappy with his life and decides to start ballroom dance classes because of a sexy sad mama he kept seeing in the window of the studio on his commute home. While nothing major ever happened between main guy and sexy sad mama more then what was appropriate happened. Make sense? And it was all kept secret from his wife.
It all reminded me of another saying I have often heard, "marriage is hard work." I've never actually believed this saying. I love my marriage and its never been "hard work" for me. After reflecting on the movie I got to thinking that maybe the "hard work" is simply keeping the passion and energy alive in marriage for 50+ years. I mean think about it, when dating, engaged and then as newlyweds there is a strong passion and you can't stand being away from your beloved for a single second, right? The passion and excitement begin to take a back burner as jobs, pregnancy (oh pregnancy), kids and other responsibilities take the front. Weight gain, wrinkles, dirty laundry, finance stress all creep in and have their effect. The hard work then, I think, is keeping that passion alive despite life's distractions and making time for each other. I do believe the initial passion will turn into a deeper, enduring love built by relaying on each other through all life's struggles if you let it. However the movie scared me. If the flame is dead in a marriage it is more likely for someone to look elsewhere.
With all these thoughts going on in my head I peddled on up to Dave to have a talk. How do you keep the spark alive in marriage? We came up with quite a few different ideas, long bike rides together for one ;), but I want to hear your ideas.
Thoughts anyone?
7 comments:
This is NOT the answer you are looking for, but it is what I belive.
http://abanderson.blogspot.com/2009/01/marriagemarriage-is-what-brings-us.html
This is written by Brad's cousins husband who is a marriage councilor. There are 3 post that are excellent and I recommend reading them. But this was the one that started the ball rolling. READ THEM. and let me know what YOU think!
OH and read the comments posted on the posts. Aaron responds to them. It is just great!
Kati, I read the link and loved it! I completely agree that you should NOT base your marriage on passion and did not mean to imply that. If passion is the base of your marriage I can almost guarantee your marriage will fail. I loved the point made about how many people expect love to be like the superficial/heated “love” in Hollywood movies and heck the twilight books and because of that problems arise. After reading back through my post I realize I unintentionally made passion/romance seem like the thing holding a marriage together when really I see it more as the icing on the cake. I think the main part of marriage should be about serving one another, that is where love is built, when you put your own needs aside and concentrate on your partner. However I also think you need to add a little fun. You need the icing so the cake doesn’t go dry. Ya like my baking analogies ;)?
Oh and the idea on letting our spouses see our insecurities was an intriguing thought. Makes a lot of sense though.
Oh and I only read the first post, I couldn't find the other two I would love to read them though if you could point me in a more specific direction.
First I had no Idea ya'll were taking a vacation and it looks like it was fantastic! Made me a little jealous because I am so ready to get outta dodge!
Second, are you serious?!?! I am always so surprised how much... um... well you know you and Dave have. he he I think you have plenty of passion! But if its passion you are looking for try spending more one on one time away from home....
haha alright I'm beginning to think passion was the wrong word to use. Maybe closeness is more fitting? Someone help by explaining what I mean :).
I understand what you mean. You want to keep a good relationship and love between you. Not just settle for what you have now but be certain that it continues to grow. As we age and have life take it's twists and turns, we often become different people from who we initially were. I think it's important to always have a night - alone - to make sure you have the time to communicate and focus in eachother. This helps bridge that gap and make certain that you are still on the same level together. No one is moving forward without the other if you continue to stay tuned in to eachother. Make sense???
I also agree with the fact that you have to take care of eachothers needs. If we aren't doing that...drifting CAN happen. Too often in this world, people become too mundane with their lives, when someone else steps in and makes a person feel defferent from that. It sparks something and can make the best person spiral - so I think it is also important to always compliment eachother and make sure that you make eachother feel good about themselves. Men don't want to admit that compliments make a difference, but they like to feel good too. Switching up the lifestyle is a good thing too. Being too predictable gets boring. Spontaneity is fun, exciting...NEW. There is no harm in that ;)
And my final thought, is be interested in eachothers interests. Like with biking....having the same hobby brings you closer together. You end up spending more time doing something you both enjoy and it gives plenty to talk about :)
I am no expert - obviously - but, these are the things I like to focus on in my marriage and I feel we are doing great :-D
http://abanderson.blogspot.com/2009_01_01_archive.html
There ya go! Here is the other links to Dr. Love aka Aaron. They are not the top post, but they are in there! I love you responses and I love what Krystal says!
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