The Many Emotions of Motherhood

Wow....being a mother is an emotional rollercoaster. Its crazy how fast I can go from being so angry and frustrated I am ready to combust to being moved to tears because of how much I love my children. Let me walk you through my morning.

4:50 a.m. I was laying in bed about to get up so I could get ready and make it to my 5:30 kickboxing class before Dave had to go to work when I heard Emma SCREAMING and I mean SCREAMING! I went in and tried to calm her down before she woke up Ali. Nothing I did helped. I think Emma has dreams where she is playing with a friend or a certain toy and something goes wrong because she will wake up crying and screaming about someone/something I have never heard of. She gets really, really mad when I have no idea what she is talking about. Anyway, I finally gave up and went back to bed unsure if I should leave or not. I was so frustrated. I wanted Dave to be able to sleep since he had to work all day. Dave insisted I leave and that he would be fine with the girls.

5:25 a.m. I was driving to the gym trying to hurry so I could still get a bag. I sent a quick text to Dave to see if Emma had calmed down yet....nope. He informed me that now, Ali was awake and they were both screaming. I felt incredibly guilty and turned around.

5:40 a.m. I entered the house to hear Emma...still screaming and heard big ol' thuds coming from Ali's crib. She was in the process of throwing a tantrum. For some reason lately when she is upset she will sit up and then throw herself back with all her might. When I am in a better mood I actually think its a bit funny. Anyway, by this point I was angry and even feeling (I'm ashamed to say) a little sorry for myself because I had to miss my kickboxing class. I said a quick prayer to ask for help and patience so I could handle the situation calmly and not kill my poor, innocent children.

6:00 a.m FINALLY...I had gotten them both calmed down and they are sleeping. But, by then, it was time to get up. By this time I was tired. Plain and simply, drained. I got Dave, up, fed and off to work (ok so Dave actually got himself up, hehe, I did make him breakfast though) and then the girls, up, fed and ready for the day-they were by this time back to their happy, charming, delightful little selves. I was still a bit ornery.

8:45 a.m. We set out for a bike ride. BTW-it was friggin' cold! Our outside thermometer was reading 30 degrees. I was loving the under-armor Dave got as a Christmas present from my parents last year, it saved me. The girls were bundled up nice and cozy in the trailer and were able to relax and eat a snack while I pounded out my remaining frustrations.

10:00 a.m. We found a park to play at. After rides we always stop at a park to play. It was beautiful weather. The morning air was crisp but warming up and the colors of the trees were splendid. Emma ran off excitedly to play with Ali crawling after her. The girls both decided to climb up a rock climbing wall. I was spotting from the bottom. When Ali cleared the top she let out an excited screech and was off. I saw her headed straight for a big, steep, shute slide-the girl LOVES slides. I freaked. I was scared out of my pants. I ran as fast as I could to catch her as she came barreling head first out the bottom, laughing all the while. Little nut. She is fearless, a complete opposite from my very cautious and responsible Emma. Anyway, we spent the next hour digging in the wood chips and playing train down the slides. As we played I was so proud as I watched them accomplish new skills and improve old ones. When the girls started to get tired we headed for the swings. I held Ali on my lap and swung while she sucked her thumb. Emma was in the swing next to us chatting it up and telling us some good stories. As I sat there with my kids enjoying the beautiful weather I was happy and content. My heart was filled with so much love for my kids that i thought it would burst. I was thinking about how truly blessed I am to have them in my life-a complete turn around from earlier that morning, hehe.

11:30 a.m. We headed back home for lunch, stories and nap time before we would have to start all over again with afternoon activities and lessons. It's a good thing the good feelings always cloud out the bad ones because 98.5% of the time....I love being a mother.